Saturday, 29 September 2012

Pretend Fall

So it's "officially" fall now. I know there's leaves starting to fall from the trees, but it's still pretty warm here. It's annoying. It's cool in the morning, but by afternoon it feels like early summer all over again. What can you do? I'm pretty sure we will not be spending all of our years in the south. I am trying to convince myself that I may do alright in a place with moderate snow. Seriously people, I'm a knitter, I like to wear layers, these things just do not work with the weather here.

Other than the weather, we are still unpacking. We are at the most annoying phase of unpacking. It's where you have only a few boxes left, but you're completely *OVER* unpacking and organizing and you don't really care about the last few things in the boxes. You just want to be done. There have been a few jokes about just chucking the last of it out. The boxes are currently in the 2nd bedroom, and I'm anxious to start transforming it into Oz's room. He's never had a room of his own, so I have a lot of plans. I imagine it's how people feel when they are planning a nursery.

Cycling is fun! Unfortunately we don't get out as much as we would like. Oz LOVES riding around. It's really a great day out for all of us. I'm hoping once this stupid unpacking phase is done, more time will be free and we can just go and DO these things without feeling guilty about all the shit that actually needs to be done.

I also have my computer here now! YAY! APPLAUSE!!! But I can't find my USB to upload photos *sad trombone*. Need to find that.

It's Saturday and the mid-season finale of Doctor Who.

I have a jug of apple cider in the fridge.

There is a sweater that needs to be finished.

I can play autumn even if the weather won't co-operate.

Friday, 21 September 2012


Thirty is nothing like I thought it would be. I remember how old it seemed when I was 15. How adult. I don't feel thirty. I don't think I look thirty. I'm most certainly not where I thought would be at thirty.

But despite that, I have felt nothing but overwhelming joy and excitement about my age, about my journey- they places, high and low, that I have been and the path that I am traveling on. So for the month I have done quite a bit of celebrating...

At the beginning of the month I took my eldest nephew, Erik, down to Dragon*Con. I made the trek into Atlanta, a place I usually avoid like the plague. (It's growing on me tho). Because we made it down there for Friday, it was busy, but not CRAZY busy. It took us virtually no time to get through payment,  information and getting our badges. Luckily, I had printed out the entire book of events and had given it to my nephew the night before. We were able to make a crazy awesome time table of the things we wanted to do, and we did pretty much everything we wanted to on Friday. We stayed late into the night, enjoying all the costumes. It's an awesome place to people watch, and furthermore, people are NICE. We met people every time we went to a different panel, or when we sat to eat. People were just talking and friendly. It was a brilliant atmosphere.

Unfortunately, our hotel was about 30 minutes outside the city and it took about an hour to get there. We woke up late the next morning and the line to get in for the 2nd day was just too long, so we had to leave. MAJOR SAD FACE. I felt like I had really let Erik down, but we both really enjoyed Friday, and both agreed....NEXT YEAR, we are staying at one of the 5 host hotels and we are staying the whole weekend. Of course, next year, I will have to bring along Griff and Oz. I missed them way too much!

Then a few days after that we started our drive down to Tampa for my cousin Hayley's wedding. But we couldn't just do a wedding, no way. We were also going to spend a day at the aquarium with imaginary friends (awesome!) and then spend another day swimming with manatees...which ended up being less then stellar. I teared up at my first glimpse of one. He brought his beautiful snout out of the water for air, and I could have kissed that squishy manatee face. I really could have. But our tour guide was extremely obnoxious. I have rarely seen Griff so annoyed by someone. I think what really did it was when he was talking about some musician I hadn't heard of  and he said "Well, I wouldn't expect someone from your generation to hear of them". SERIOUSLY. That is what you say to someone who is turning 30?!?!?! FUCK YOU, DUDE. So Griff decided NO TIP.

It was getting near the end of our tour and we *still* hadn't swam with a manatee, when he finally found one and was like "Into the water". Immediately the manatee swam away. *sighs* So next time, we are going with a different group. This one was very disappointing. But there were a lot of great things. Oz loved being on the boat, took a good long nap, and was just really enjoying the boat ride.

The wedding was lovely. Slightly stressful for me as Oz was in major tantrum mode all the way up until it was time to walk down the aisle (he was ring bearer). But he was all smiles and giggles and gave an adorable "O MY" during the ceremony. The reception he was all about the cupcakes and dancing. Of course, a major plus for the trip was visiting with my cousins. I love them a lot, and I love that even with all the years we missed together, it is so easy to hang out and laugh. They are awesome, amazing people and I love being related to them.

SO then we're back in the Upstate and it's my birthday. And I did nothing. It was so chill, and quiet and just...another. day. It's amazing how that comes to be as you grow older, and how it becomes more and more okay. We had dinner with family the next night, and it was just nice. We made a trip down to Columbia on the Friday to see an event of writers telling stories. Of course, the main draw was Neil Gaiman, but I was surprised at how much I loved all the story tellers that evening. It was a room full of people who love books.

THEN that weekend it was back to Atlanta to meet more imaginary friends and go see Amanda Palmer in concert. It was another amazing weekend. The entire Amanda Palmer show was amazing. I usually don't enjoy opening acts, but no lie, I enjoyed every single moment of that evening. I left love, rejuvenated, longing to create. And of course, completely pissed that I decided not to buy a t-shirt. This is a problem I have. I will hem-haw over things I would really like and say "I'll come back to it" and then I miss the opportunity. But here is a link to her performing my favorite song "Bottomfeeder" on her new album "Theatre is Evil". It's not the whole song, but just a glimpse of what a wonderful performer she is. She loves her audience. The feeling is so mutual. I can. not. wait. to see her again.

(Also? This month, I spent the most time away from Oz that I ever have. It's nice to know that I can now leave him with people who love him and he loves, but O how I would miss him. 2 is a hard age, so as much as I sometimes feel like running away screaming tearing out the little bit of hair i have (run on sentence much?), he is so awesome. It's been a weird period of growth between mother and child)

And then this week. This week we bought bicycles. SCARY. We went and rode them on my birthday and I felt 12 again and Griff was so excited and happy we've spent the last few weeks researching everything we need, and a trailer for Oz and yeah...WE BOUGHT BICYCLES.

Why no photos? I don't have my computer yet. It's still at mom's. O yeah, still unpacking and moving. With this crazy month you didn't think we'd be settled, did you? So I will try and have some photos of THINGS soon.

But I guess the point is, there are a lot of scary things about turning 30. My body is so different, but I am coming to terms and trying to love it. I am not thrilled that we are apartment living, but we are discovering things about ourselves as we unpack. For example, we have too much stuff. We are unloading tons because--surprisingly- one thing we apparently took from our travels is that we don't *NEED* to be surrounded by so much. We still have a lot of objects, but we can easily fit in a small space. We are also going to try a new resolution next year...but I think I'll wait till New Year's for that big reveal. There's still so much I want to see. Griff and I miss the road. We miss exploring and seeing people. I am fortunate that I can now say I know someone in almost every part of this country. And a few in Canada. And more than enough in England. And hopefully if we can ever make it to Australia we will know someone there. I feel like our resolve as a couple is to try and experience as much of life as we can, while still trying to find the compromise of a home and feeling comforted. It's a strange goal, but we are constantly evolving. I think that is a good thing.

So hello, THIRTY. Let's move forward.

Thursday, 13 September 2012

Name Change Game

Today I went to the DMV to update my address on my license. No biggie...honestly. It's wasn't. It took 15 minutes tops. I was impressed. AND my new picture is really good! AND I became an organ donor. I had sort of a mind block about that for years, and today I just ticked the box and thought nothing more of it.

I texted my sister to tell her about my great picture and she replies "So did you change your name?"

For a brief moment at the DMV I will admit; I considered it. But I couldn't be bothered. And I guess that's the truth of the matter. I can't be bothered to change my name.

When we married, it would have cost me a small fortune to pay for a new passport and visa, and at that point, I just did not want to spend the money. We were married, that was all that mattered. Griff has even said, he never expected me to change my name. I think once we had Oscar he thought I might, but now it's become more of a curiosity as to why I haven't done it.

I don't love my maiden name. It's difficult to pronounce and I always have to spell it. It's not a great name, but it's the one I have. I've been hyphenated before, and I'm not keen to do that again either. Then you have to spell 2 names instead of one.

I have Griff's surname on facebook as just show that we are married. It was exciting when we got married, but I tell you now, that is the ONLY place where we share a last name. I do not have one official document with what would be my married name.

It led to a great convo with Griff about names tho. I don't have an aversion to his name. I don't have a great love for my name. But it appears that I do have attachment. It's the only name I've ever had, and for one reason or another, not one that I can easily define and put a finger to, I do not want to change it. I don't understand why we, as women, are expected to. My marriage and family unit is plenty strong without ONE name.  It does make me wonder how many women say goodbye to their maiden name and feel sad, or really hate the name they feel like they have to take?

Next year my license will expire, so if I change my mind, it would be a good opportunity to make the change over. But at this moment, I'm doubtful if I ever will.